Shopping for Engagement Rings Before the Engagement? Controversial, But Highly Recommended

The first time I faced the reality that I might be moving towards an engagement was a year and a half ago, six months into my relationship with my current partner. I’ve had serious relationships in the past, but there was something this time around that set my spidey senses alight just weeks into the relationship—it was so easy it actually made me nervous, and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It never did.

I’m 33, but with parents who got married in their mid-30s, so there’s never been any pressure to get engaged. Ever the non-traditionalists, my mom and dad eloped in Italy, skipping the convention of ring swapping altogether, so growing up, there wasn’t much importance put on the idea of an engagement or wedding at all.

All of this is to say that up until recently, as friends around me began to get engaged themselves, I never thought much about what my ideal engagement ring would look like. So here I am, finally ready to do a little sparkly sampling. If Victoria Beckham has found 15 engagement rings she likes enough to own, surely I can find at least one.

When I first proposed (ha!) to my boyfriend that I’d come and do a first stab at ring try-ons, his reaction was a sigh of relief. “Oh good!” he exclaimed “You can help me, since I know I’m going to be stressed about it.” I’d gauge that dating a fashion writer doesn’t come with too many stressful moments, but for him, picking a ring for someone who is extremely picky—yeah, that’s going to be difficult.

To do a full-on pre-engagement try-on, I would start with an appointment somewhere known for classic ring silhouettes. I chose Graff, the luxury jewelry house whose gems have adorned the wedding fingers of royal families and Hollywood royalty alike. But, as I headed from my apartment in Brooklyn to the swanky streets of the Upper East Side, I realized I didn’t fully know just what I was getting myself into. What ensued was an adventure that involved discovering Graff’s long list of frankly insane-looking famous diamonds, trying on multi-million dollar rings (perhaps a little outside of this writer-artist couple’s budget), but also, to my relief, discovering more about my own sensibilities when it comes to rings.

Before the appointment, I mentioned to the staff at Graff that going by my gut (and confirmed by now ring-covered Instagram Discover page) I am drawn to two styles: those that mix diamonds and colored gemstones like emeralds or sapphires, or something pared-back and simple, like a three-stone ring or solitaire.

Standing on the corner in front of Graff’s sun-soaked storefront, I pause expectantly. Security is tight, and a guard ushers me inside a first set of doors, and then a second. As the glass slides open, I’m met with a customer-free space, a mix of sleek wood paneling, mirrors, and diamond jewelry sparkling behind panes of glass throughout. I feel as if I’m in the waiting room of a five-star hotel spa—tranquility is clearly part of the experience.

In the sunny atrium, I start off (relatively) simple, trying on the classic diamond shapes as three-carat solitaires, set alone on a platinum band. It’s quickly clear I’m drawn to the styles with an elongated silhouette, namely emeralds and pear-shaped rings, but sun dancing off of its facets, the elongated cushion, a subtly rectangular shape with rounded edges, also catches my eye. Slowly, momentum begins to build as I whip through pave styles, set with smaller diamond stones—not for me. Similarly, with some of the more ornate band designs—I quickly learn that I prefer to keep it simple. The canary yellow diamonds, set at the center of some of the more ornate rings I try are an early signal to me, I like colorful rings a lot.

Initial tone-setting complete and with a few top contenders already set aside, it’s time to bring out the big guns. I’m led upstairs to a private lounge where I can try on what I might consider the “sign I’ve won the lottery” rings. They’re styles that are entirely out of my reach price-wise, but inside the walls of Graff a girl can dream, and for a moment, live her fantasy.

First, there is an eight-carat oval ring, which frankly is way too big for my taste. It feels as if I have a very expensive, very sparkly peanut M&M sitting atop my finger. I get a similar feeling about a huge emerald cut stone—beautiful, but as a subway rider, definitely a liability. I love the look of a Princess Diana-like sapphire and diamond ring, but again, it’s ultimately a bit too much rizz for my everyday vibe. The piece de resistance is a ring that initially I refused to try at all: a 23.6 karat heart-shaped design so big that it put the ring pops of my childhood to shame.

After all is said and done, and as fun as the super-sized rings were, I realize I’m not Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian. I like a little sparkle, but ultimately I want something that—as an outdoorsy, active gal—I can wear every day without having to constantly fuss over it.

I narrow it down to two of the very first styles I tried, the pear-shaped ring and the emerald, and having snapped sufficient photos and videos, I decide it’s time to let fate—or, er, my partner—have a say in it all. When he gets home from work I show him the photos, and we giggle a bit as he swipes through. “I don’t know anything about these,” he says. “But I’m sure if you like it, it will be great.” A successful first stab at pre-shopping ring shopping? Definitely. But next time he’s coming along too.